The Diary Of Ren Sei Sang

I sit here now in the dark, pen in hand and paper in front of me... but still I feel lost...

&ps. Most of this more then likely won't make sense to you.

I've never really written to myself before, but I have all these emotions flooding through my head and I feel the need the write them down...
If someone picks this up, if someone reads this I have no problem with that... But don't come to me and ask me to explain myself, don't expect me to break down, more so don't expect me to own up...
These are words on paper, within time these feelings my change...

Personally my life hasn't always been something I was proud of, I did stupid things people have come and gone... but isn't that how life is...

I'm not talked about, most probably don't even know me...
My names Ren Sei Sang, I'm a twenty-two year old woman from Tokyo Japan. Link NightWolf was my vice, my obsession, my lover, and my friend... We got close in a short amount of time, I knew his problems I knew I could never fully have him to myself but I looked passed all that.
Things happened so fast, one thing after another and within weeks I'd gotten pregnant with twins...
When I found out I was just frozen, Link was there we both panicked... thats all we really could do I mean we weren't even dating at the time.

That night, I was changed...

There had been arguments, lashing out, and drama but I fell in love, a deep love I didn't even know I could have and then he slipped away... And before I knew it he was gone...
It was like grains of sand in my hand, granule by granule they just slipped through my fingers I couldn't have even kept a hold of him if life depended on it.
Even now as my tears hit the paper, I think there was something more I could have done, and magic word I could have said to make it better...
Deep down I know thats not true, I've been told I couldn't have fixed him I couldn't have made it better because he was far beyond repair before I even met him.

February 25th: The day my sons were born, my beautiful little angels... James Issac NightWolf and Dominick Link NightWolf... They were beautiful, and from the first moment I saw them they changed my whole outlook on life.

Dominick (Dom): Red eyed hell child, dark red hair, almost a young spitting image of his father... smart as hell...

James (Jamie): Angelic features, Long gorgeous black hair, and dual blue and green eyes like myself.

...

Then came the say I found out, not details... pretty much just a 'Hey Links Dead' and that was it... I was alone with two young baby boys... and... I was broken...

As for now I'm going to leave it at that, if I feel the need... anything on my mind later I'll come back and write it down. For now I need to lay down, have to get up with my sons...